


the drugs dont work

by duisarcus



Series: Saligia [5]
Category: Angelus Reprobi (Webcomic)
Genre: Drug Use, Grief, M/M, Other, Reincarnation, off screen major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22725325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duisarcus/pseuds/duisarcus
Summary: Rory doesn't handle it well when Dynen's life comes to an end, even knowing he'll be back.
Relationships: Azerorin | Lust & Belphegor | Sloth, Azerorin | Lust/Dynen Corbett
Series: Saligia [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383058
Kudos: 1





	the drugs dont work

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Poee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poee/gifts).



> A minor tw for mentions of Rory doing drugs (specifically downers, alcohol, sleeping pills, and opium are the ones mentioned), though it doesn't have quite the same effect as it would on a human (mainly, physical addiction and overdosing aren't possible) and of course, dealing with intense grief. 
> 
> This is a gift for [my wife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poee) for Valentine's day, as requested <3

  
Rory followed, numb, as Bel led him away, leaving behind-  
  
leaving behind _everything-_  
  
leaving behind his _heart._  
  
He _knew_ it was coming - they’d been through this cycle ten, fifteen, a hundred times, over and over again - but it never got _easier,_ this loss like a hole in his chest, hollow and tattered, his heart in his _throat_ like it was trying to escape the pain-  
  
Bel’s hand cupped the back of his head and drew him in, pressing his forehead to his chest, right over his heart, murmured a soft _I’m right here, c’mon,_ and Rory-  
  
Rory _broke,_  
  
_sobbing,_  
  
clutching at Bel’s shirt and twisting, pulling like he could climb inside and curl up, safe from the reality that Dynen was _gone,_  
  
_again,_  
  
he could feel, more than hear, the soothing rumble that rolled through Bel’s chest, and it just encouraged the _tears,_  
  
painful, _heart-wrenching_ tears, like they were being dragged out of him from the bottom of his soul, and it felt like they’d _never end,_  
  
it felt like hours, like no time at all - and he was swallowing it back, feeling... like he should be lighter, maybe, than he did before, but it still felt like every heartbeat was a step off, like something was _missing-_  
  
sleep came in fits, that night, and for every night after for days, time blending together into an unbroken parade of fading in and out of consciousness, of the others coming by to sit with him, drink with him, to _lose_ themselves with him, because Dynen didn’t mean the _same_ to them that he meant to Rory, but he was still so _very_ important, had an iron grip on _all_ their hearts, and that grip wasn’t loosened by death.  
  
He didn’t _mean_ to fall back into bad habits, but-  
  
it _hurt-_  
  
alcohol became sleeping pills became Black Drop and laudanum, homemade, and every time he woke up, _every time,_  
  
Dynen was _still gone,_  
  
the hole where his heart should be was _still there-_  
  
_years_ turned to _decades,_ and it had _never_ taken this long before, and he couldn’t help but wonder-  
  
was this it?  
  
Was this _it?_  
  
he didn’t want to-  
  
_couldn’t-_  
  
_leave_ the others, alone, without him- and he didn’t want to lose _them_ too, but it _hurt._  
  
Bel hadn’t left his side the entire time, holding him at night even when he couldn’t sleep, stroking his hair through the nights he spent hanging over the side of the toilet, after _stupid_ mixes, taking _so much_ that even _his_ constitution couldn’t handle it for very long, wondering if this would finally hurt enough to make his _heart_ stop hurting-  
  
Bel made him eat, any time he was sober enough to keep food down, and on the days when it was _too much,_ he joined him, dose for dose, and _that,_ more than _anything,_ kept Rory from going _too far,_ because he _loved_ Bel, and he _knew_ he was being _stupid-_  
  
he didn’t want Bel to be stupid _too-_  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Rory let his head loll back on the couch where Bel had set him down, dragging him out of the bedroom he hadn’t left in three days, and tried to focus past the opium haze on the voices he could hear in the kitchen.  
  
Bel’s low, gentle rumble matched a lighter, shorter voice, words clipped and delivered with a sharpness Rory _knew_ only came from Mammon, but he couldn’t focus on the words themselves as he drifted.  
  
Everything was dulled, including the way he _ached,_ and he _knew_ it wasn’t fixing anything - the pain wasn’t going anywhere this way, this didn’t _fix it-_  
  
but it was _easier,_  
  
easier than counting the passage of time _(forty-three years, four months, twenty-two days- more than twice as long now than it had ever taken-)_ and easier than putting that pain on the others, when they were already hurting themselves-  
  
a soft touch to his cheek, a hand cupping the side of his face- smaller than Bel’s, he thought distantly, but it didn’t matter, not in this lost moment-  
  
“Rory,” a sigh, soft and aching, and Rory ached too, because it hurt him when the others were hurting-  
  
“Rory, listen to me,” he roused, rolling his head to squint at- Mammon, his normally so carefully kept hair tousled and his tie undone, looking at him with- with _concern,_  
  
Rory whined a little, brought his hand up with some effort to cover Mammon’s, trying for reassuring-  
  
_“Rory,_ are you listening-”  
  
he was pretty sure he nodded, three seconds too late but it was better than not at all, because the fog was clearing just a bit and Mammon’s words were coming through, barely, but they were,  
  
“We found him, Rory.”  
  
The words came through like a fist around his heart, skipping a beat and making his lungs seize, and Mammon grabbed his face and held him still and said, low, fierce,  
  
“We _found him,_ Rory, it’s going to be _okay-”_  
  
Tears, like he hadn’t managed since Bel first led him away, and his heart in this throat- but this time, _this time,_ like it was trying to come _back-_  
  
_“Dynen-”_

**Author's Note:**

> as always, I can be found [right over here on tumblr,](http://duisarcus.tumblr.com/) and I have some info in my ao3 profile if you wanna check it out!  
> the webcomic can be found [here!](http://www.paniniprince.com/angelus/)


End file.
